Dumbassedness
by A.C.P
Summary: Special Deutchland Chapter! Read for a good laugh at how different languages are in the way of grammar, spelling, capitalization, practically everything. I sent the last chapter through the Lycos Translator and back, so it's in English. Screwy English, bu
1. When Penguins Attack

The wind swept through Ashton's hair as thoughts of hamburgers fled through his mind. Those thoughts were  
quickly replaced with thoughts of Celine's chest. Woo-ee. Ashton sat on the tip of the hill he was convienently  
on and pondered this new thought that had entered his head, as a shrill scream was heard from the east.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN!"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Get your possesed ass back here!"  
  
Ashton grumbled something in Italian and slid down the hill on a trash can lid. Once he reached the pile of loud  
adolesance that is Precis, he asked, "What do you want?"  
  
"I'm getting you down here."  
  
".....Well, obviously. Why?"  
  
"Not too sure. Just felt the need to."  
  
Just then a large ball of chicken grease fell from the sky containing a few random charicters from other games.  
  
Cecil and Rosa stepped out first into the semi-moderately-high bright sunlight.  
  
"We spaned many years, a giant chicken and even a different console to get to.... where are we, anyway?"  
  
Everyone looked around. "Not sure. We're here."  
  
"Makes sense."  
  
Next came Mr. Head from Secret of Evermore. "Hello. I have no body."  
  
"Ah. I see." Said the blind man to the deaf woman on the telephone. He then vomited pink lemonade.  
  
Finally, out popped Terra Branford. Everyone knows Terra Branford. She's the pink Esper lady.  
  
"Hello, all."  
  
"Hi."  
  
Ashton burped. "What are we going to do here?"  
  
Everyone was silent. Mr. Head spoke up, "I have an itch on my nose."  
  
Precis itched Mr. Head's nose.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Ashton stared at the sky. "When's big-bo... err... Celine getting here?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"A lady in small clothes with a nice rack."  
  
"Sweet. When's she getting here?"  
  
"Dunno."  
  
"Yep."  
  
Ashton then pulled an Igloo Refrigerated Container out of a rip in time-space that occured two seconds ago. He  
handed everyone a beer.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Hn. Yep."  
  
"STOP IT!!!" Precis shouted. "We need a quest. Something to do."  
  
So they went off to get coconuts because Ashton had a hankerin' for coconuts and the only place to get coconuts  
was the factory where the government makes coconuts and they all went to the factory where they make coconuts  
because Ashton wanted coconuts and he made sure that everyone knew that he wanted coconuts by screaming, "I want  
coconuts." really loudly so they all went to get coconuts.  
  
"Yep." Said a random townsperson. He then exploded. All the pieces formed together to make the super magical  
fantasy furby.  
  
"Mwahahahaha. I am the super magical fantasy furby. I will kill you all." the super magical fantasy furby said.  
  
So the super magical fantasy furby started to eat apple pie as all the others ran around in circles screaming  
"Penguins" in different languages, then burping.  
  
As the super magical fantasy furby was eating his pie, a small ball of lead fell from the sky and embedded itself  
into the super magical fantasy furby's head with a pleasant squish noise. It then expanded to the size of a big  
screen TV and the super magical fantasy furby was dead. Three people came out of the ball of lead who no one knows  
except me and they know who they are hopefully because they are from real life in my land area.  
  
"TRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUNKS!!!!!!!!!" Lizy screamed.  
  
"I don't think he's in this." replied Alex.  
  
"ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed Lizy again because she likes to scream and it hurts Mr. Head's ears  
to the extent of itchery.  
  
"My ears itch."  
  
Precis scratched Mr. Head's ears.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Anytime."  
  
"I don't see Seventeen here either!"  
  
Do you actually think that I'd put Seventeen in here?  
  
"Yes. It would make me happy...."  
  
Seventeen appears just long enough to burp, fart, and scratch himself before dissappearing into another plant.  
  
"That was pleasant." said no one imparticular.  
  
Ashton jumped in the air, "This is getting really annoying!!!!" He then proceded to create a Sand Golem out of, well  
sand. The Sand Golem stood up and spoke, "What ish my mashter'sh wishsh?"  
  
"I want you to find me someone with very large breasts!"  
  
"Undershtood." The Golem stomped off.  
  
"Well.. that was odd." remarked Cecil.  
  
Lizy began to sing the theme to Green Acres.  
  
Season burped.  
  
"We should just stand here." said Alex.  
  
"Agreed!" replied Mr. Head.  
  
"WE'RE STILL HERE!!!!!!" screamed Cecil and Rosa, and then started to make out.  
  
"COCONUTS!!!!!"  
  
The Sand Golem returned with a large burlap sack that was flailing wildly. Ashton jumped for joy. "Open it!"  
  
"Yesh."  
  
The bag was opened to reveal Kei.  
  
"I'M GONNA KICK YOU ALL IN THE NUTS!!!!!!!!"  
  
Everyone sweatdropped.  
  
"....Okay... Get me Celine."  
  
"Undershtood." The Golem trampled small woodland creatures as he walked off.  
  
"Where are we, anyway?" asked Kei.  
  
"We're here."  
  
"Makes sense."  
  
Season started to stand on her head.  
  
Alex flew around the world in 80 seconds.  
  
"So, are we gonna get those coconuts?" asked Precis.  
  
"Probably not." responded Mr. Head, then burped.  
  
Lizy contined to sing the theme to Green Acres.  
  
Alex sang the theme to Brown Acres after landing.  
  
Season played basketball with a rolled up corpse and a hollowed out frying pan.  
  
Kei shot things.  
  
Terra stood there.  
  
Cecil spun his head around like in The Exorsist.  
  
Rosa performed odd gymnastic moves.  
  
Precis came really close to finding a new fuel but failed.  
  
Ashton ate hamburgers.  
  
Mr. Head fell off his box.  
  
Precis put him back on.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Kei jumped into the air, "EVERYONE LOOKIT ME!!!!!!!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because!!!" Kei then performed the spiffy costume change like in Dirty Pair Flash.  
  
Every male rolled their eyes to the back of their head and fainted.  
  
"Nifty."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"My nose itches again."  
  
Precis scratched Mr. Head's nose.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Waitaminute! Why didn't you faint?!" Kei asked.  
  
"Because I'm just a head. Nothing else."  
  
"Wow. That's gotta suck."  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
Precis started to fish just as the author walked in. He looked a lot like Alex for some reason.  
  
"Hello." the author said.  
  
"Hi." said Alex.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Alex."  
  
"Wow. Mine too."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Neat."  
  
"Spiffy."  
  
"Cool."  
  
"Nifty."  
  
"STOP IT!!!!!!!"  
  
"Loud."  
  
"Yep."  
  
Just then everyone got exactly what they wanted because I have to wrap this sorry piece of crap up.  
  
The author got reviews.  
  
Lizy got Trunks, much to his dismay.  
  
Season got Seventeen.  
  
Precis got an everlasting can of WD-40.  
  
Terra got a line. "Hi."  
  
Cecil got a large steak.  
  
Rosa got the ability to nag.  
  
Ashton got Celine.  
  
Kei got a large rocket launcher and started to blow random things up.  
  
The Sand Golem became a real boy.  
  
Alex got a new pair of shoes.  
  
You, the reader, got the end. 


	2. The Magical Denny's Adventure

The wind rushed through Ashton's hair. Five minutes later he expierenced an incredible wave of dejavu and fainted on the spot.  
  
"My nose itches"  
  
Precis scratched Mr. Head's nose.  
  
"Thanks"  
  
"Anytime"  
  
The author pressed his face up aginst whatever screen may be prominent at your computer. "I've gotten five reviews! That means I'm makin' a sequel! BE AFRAID" The author then dissapeared and left a puddle of green jello.  
  
Cecil stood up. "Well, shit."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Sounds good."  
  
A pile of smelly feces dropped from the sky and landed on Terra's head.  
  
"Wow. Something happened to me." She replied.  
  
"Amazing."  
  
Ashton jumped thirty miles into the air by accident.  
  
"There he goes."  
  
"He's really excitable."  
  
Celine realized she was here. "Why am I here?"  
  
Precis donned a magenta smoking jacket and a pipe and started to explain the whole first chapter in two words, "Shit happened."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I wonder when he's coming down?"  
  
"Who knows?"  
  
"Who's talking?"  
  
"I don't know anymore..."  
  
Ashton lands.  
  
"Hello." Said no one impartiular. He's been here before, if you don't recall.  
  
"Ow. Well, anyway," Ashton begins. "We should go get some coconuts because..."  
  
"AUUUUGGGHHHHH!!!!" Everyone screams at the same time, causing a stain glass window in Vatican City. The Pope was angry.  
  
Kei shot a deer.  
  
"Oh right. You're still here, aren't you?" Rosa asked.  
  
"Yep."  
  
Mr. Head announced that he was going to show them his talent. He was going to transform into Random Computer Lingo Facial Expression Man.  
  
":)"  
  
":("  
  
":D"  
  
":)"  
  
"8:)"  
  
"^_^"  
  
"_"  
  
"*_"  
  
Precis finally screamed, "STOP IT!"  
  
":P"  
  
Mr. Head transformed back into his original form. "I'll have more after I examine AOL 6.0 further."  
  
Ashton stood up a bit more slowly this time, "We should destroy AOL. It blows."  
  
Alex agreed.  
  
Season wasn't sure so she went back to fondling Seventeen.  
  
Lizy had fallen into a plot hole five minutes ago, so she was in a bad lemon fic fighting for her right to party.  
  
"That's gotta suck."  
  
"Pretty much."  
  
"You know..." Ashton started. "We haven't been doing anything for the past week and a half. Including eat."  
  
"He's got a good point."  
  
Terra was sleeping.  
  
The whole lot of them went to a Denny's to get some grub.  
  
"Why Denny's?"  
  
"Because Precis can't read."  
  
"WHAT? Precis can't read?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Well, still. Why are we going to Denny's again?"  
  
"Because you don't have to be able to read to go to Denny's. Just point to the picture of the food you want."  
  
"Oh right."  
  
Kei glanced around. "Where did that conversation come from?"  
  
Ashton looked at her. "Your guess is as good as mine."  
  
"Amazing. LET'S GO TO DENNY'S NOW!" Precis yelled and hit someone with someone else.  
  
Ashton pointed his swords to the direction of a Denny's "Let's go!"  
  
They walked for two years one month and twelve days until they reached a Denny's. The group pointed to various Denny's dishes and sat back. The food arrived, and they all ate, quite content with their Grand Slams. After they were done, a few pointed to some assorted desserts and waited longer. Once those came, they ate their desserts as the others made hand gestures to simulate talking. After the desserts were finished, the group grunted and such to the waiter and tipped him, paid for their food, and walked out.  
  
Precis shudders. "That was creepy... I don't never wanna go back in there..."  
  
Kei pats her head. "Shhh... It's okay..."  
  
Ashton pulles a pair of tube socks out of his pants.  
  
Alex admires his fantastic new pair of shoes, and runs in a circle until he passes out.  
  
Kei shoots more things.  
  
"We need to get some coconuts now." Ashton says for no reason.  
  
So they went off to get coconuts because Ashton wanted coconuts and he made sure that everyone knew when he said that he wanted coconuts so they went to the government building where they make coconuts and killed all the coconut people there and ate some coconuts while killing all the coconut people there and Kei shot a few defective coconuts with no holes so then they did have holes and they could be eaten so Ashton was happy because he could have more coconuts and he could eat all the coconuts if it weren't for those meddling kids who always steal his coconuts and Ashton eventually got tired of coconuts because he had just eaten 734659374659387456 coconuts.  
  
"Can we get what we want again?" Kei asked.  
  
Sure. Then all of the charicters got what they wanted because Kei asked soooo nicely.  
  
"Thanks!"  
  
Ashton got a hamburger.  
  
Celine got silicone implants.  
  
Terra got out of the fic.  
  
Cecil got a large bratwurst.  
  
Rosa got a personallity.  
  
Kei got more ammo for her rocket launcher.  
  
Alex got some Better Cheddars.  
  
Season got a three-star hotel room.  
  
Lizy got a single strand of hair from a undead virgin goat to add to her collection.  
  
Precis got literacy.  
  
The author got more reviews.  
  
You, the reader, got another end. 


	3. Lawyers and Fire and D-cups, OH MY!

The water flowed through Ashton's genitles and he felt all happy.  
  
"STOP THAT! Where did the water come from?" Precis yelled and asked at the same time.  
  
"Sweeden."  
  
"Makes sense."  
  
"My nose itches."  
  
Precis scratched Mr. Head's nose.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Ashton ate an entire fish, "That's not too funny anymore."  
  
Precis exclaimed that she didn't care.  
  
"Besides, my nose itches often."  
  
"I don't care."  
  
No one cared at this point. Noone imparticular jumped in the air and hollered, "I WANT A NAME!!!"  
  
A giant hand poped out of the clouds that appeared suddenly above, and placed a name tag on no one imparticualr's chest. It read, "Bob"  
  
Alex spoke up, "Bob like in Fight Club? The one with bitch tits?"  
  
Multiple people threw a potato at him.  
  
"NO!" Said Bob.  
  
"Okay." Said Celine.  
  
Kei exploded and reformed in five seconds.  
  
Ashton suddenly realizes something.  
  
"I just realized something. We have no quests to do this time around."  
  
Cecil corrected him, "Well, we WERE going to destroy AOL."  
  
"Oh yeah! LET'S MOSEY!"  
  
Just at that moment, fifty-seven and a half lawyers burst out of a door suspended in midair.  
  
"We'll see YOU in court!" They handed Ashton a summons.  
  
Ashton looked confused, "What? Why?"  
  
"Because you stole a line from Cloud! 'Let's mosey' is HIS line!!!"  
  
"Do you have proof?"  
  
The lawyers looked at each other. "Proof? What is proof? We have never heard of your crazy moon talk before, infadel! GET YOUR ASS TO COURT!"  
  
Suddenly, they were all in court. Lots of stuff happened and Ashton was sentenced to five years and a thirty thousand gil fine.  
  
"I don't have any gil!"  
  
"Oh. Well, I suppose you can't very well pay it then, huh? Release the prisoner."  
  
Ashton was released and they were all sent back to their native country of Veneswela by boat attached to a poodle.  
  
"That was odd."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
Kei stated the obvious because it's fun and stuff. "We're in Veneswela, by the way."  
  
"Indeed. Let's leave."  
  
They left and returned to wherever the hell they were before.  
  
Ashton says something unarticulate.  
  
Season causes world peace for three seconds.  
  
"WE SHOULD GO KILL AOL NOW" Precis started to talk in capital letters. Just then the group heard a very odd sound. Something like a cannon being charged. Fifteen seconds later, they heard a loud shot from a cannon. Worried, everyone ran around in a circle for 2.34 seconds.  
  
"That was fun."  
  
"Mmmhmm."  
  
Alex, Lizy, and Season ducked into a corner and started to converse.  
  
"What are they talking about?"  
  
"Beats me."  
  
"Where are all these conversations coming from?!"  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"Neither do I."  
  
"Nor I."  
  
"STOPPIT!!!!" Precis shouted and broke another stain glass window in Vatican City. The Pope unleashed God's wrath on AOL, assuming they did it. The AOL/Time Warner building was fried in a blast of holy fire. There was much rejoicing.  
  
"Yay." Said everyone flatly.  
  
"Well, there goes AOL."  
  
"Yep."  
  
Lizy, Alex, and Season jump up at the same time, "We know what that big cannon noise was!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"A cannon!"  
  
Lizy falls into another plothole.  
  
"Well, damn."  
  
"Yep."  
  
Alex pulls out a mind control device and debates with himself wether or not he should use it.  
  
Rosa suddenly screams like a baby and runs away.  
  
"Actually, that was a charicter cannon. We should be seeing a large number of charicters from a few games drop in suddenly." Alex explained.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Just then, the charicters fell. They were Locke, Celes, Umaro, Tifa, Sephiroth, Steiner, and Terra again. They all landed in the exact same spot at the exact same time with the force of a nuclear warhead. Terra instantly screamed because she was back in the fic.  
  
"Ahhhhhh."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
Sephiroth started to walk in a circle that spiffy way he does when a sword is embedded in his chest. "Mommy...."  
  
"Mommy?!"  
  
"Yeah. Got a problem?!"  
  
"...No....."  
  
Tifa puffed out her chest, "I'm still the biggest one here! YAY!"  
  
Kei's attention perked up. "Oh yeah?!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"I DON'T THINK SO!!!"  
  
"TOO DAMN BAD!!!"  
  
"This won't end well..." Steiner ran away, arms flailing.  
  
Locke stole the crown jewels. "Yoink."  
  
"Oh, Locke. You're so wonderful!" Celes balled her hands and batted her eyes.  
  
"Yeah..." Locke and Celes skipped away singing Mary Had a Little Lamb.  
  
Kei and Tifa were nose to nose, well, as far as they could get, arguing about bra sizes.  
  
Alex dug a large hole.  
  
Terra looked to the sky, "CAN WE END THIS NOW?!"  
  
Okay. The whole lot of them got what they wanted yet again.  
  
Alex got a spiffy shirt.  
  
Season got a brand new newspaper.  
  
Lizy got the severed head of Col. Sanders.  
  
Terra got green hair dye, and then complained about her hair already being green.  
  
Tifa and Kei both got Super Inflaters. They inflate anything!  
  
Locke got a gold plated tooth.  
  
Celes got a magic toenail.  
  
Steiner got a shoe.  
  
Umaro got a live deer.  
  
Sephiroth got a plush doll of Death.  
  
Ashton got the Schphincter Cannon.  
  
Precis didn't get anyhting.  
  
Celine got a spiffy computer.  
  
The author got more reviews.  
  
Mr. Head, seeing I've neglected him of anything in the past, got one million dollars.  
  
You, the reader, will probably never get an end. Ha ha! ^_^ 


	4. 

The wind ran through Ashton's random body part. A large hand came out of the clouds that magically appeared in the sky, clasped into a loose fist. When it reached the ground, it opened to reveal the writer, Alex, wearing a coach's outfit.  
  
"Okay... I went a bit overboard last chapter, so now there are going to be some cuts."  
  
Everyone lined up and stood at attention.  
  
"Alright.... Umaro, hit the road."  
  
"Ruuurrraughhh...."  
  
"Steiner, you're out."  
  
Steiner mumbled something about bastard son of a knave and sulked off.  
  
"Sephiroth? I'm just not too good at your charicter. Seeya."  
  
Sephiroth didn't look to mad, actually, "Well, to be honest, I have to go appear in a fangirl's dream. Toodles!"  
  
Everyone stood there, confused.  
  
"Ohhhhhh kayyyyy... Lesse... Terra. Goodbye."  
  
Terra runs off leaving a Terra-shaped cloud behind.  
  
"Well. Um... okay. Celine. You too. Hit the road."  
  
Ashton attaches himself to her legs. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
"Don't make me get the crowbar."  
  
"Fine..." Ashton deattaches himself.  
  
"Cecil, Rosa. Hit the road."  
  
The two stuck their tounges out and melted into the ground.  
  
"Who's left?"  
  
Ashton, Precis, Tifa, Kei, Alex, Season, Lizy, Locke, and Celes raised their hand. Mr. Head grumbled.  
  
"Okay. That's good. Carry on."  
  
The author: Alex climbed back into the large hand, it clamped down again, and he went back to the clouds.  
  
"Okay. We need another quest."  
  
The author: Alex's voice boomed once again, "WAIT! I forgot one addition..."  
  
Ratsputin fell from the sky.  
  
"He's not really from an RPG, he's from Magical Final Fantasy Star Warrior Hearts or something. Enjoy!"  
  
"Hello all. I'm old and horny."  
  
"Join the club."  
  
The group wandered the desert for fourty days and fourty nights, guided by a pillar of fire at night, and a pillar of cloud during the day.  
  
"That was odd."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"BOOYAH!!!!" Ratsputin screamed and jumped in the air, promptly landing and smashing his walking stick into Ashton's groin.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Ashton fell to the floor, holding his groin. "What was the point of that?!" Ashton asked, a bit higher than earlier.  
  
"Well, nothing really. Just felt like doing it. Expect more in the future." Ratsputin smiled and leaned on his staff.  
  
Ashton gets up, a bit shaky, "We... need... a... quest..."  
  
"Well, I've always hated Disney..." said that random talking bubble that always happens to advance what little plot this thing may have.  
  
"GOOD IDEA! LET'S STORM DISNEY!!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"ALRIGHT!!"  
  
"BOOYAH!!" Ratsputin slams his stick into Ashton's groin. Ashton let out a faint gurgle and fell to the floor.  
  
"Uhhhhrhhhgh..."  
  
"Right... LET'S GO!!!!" Precis leads the troupe away from wherever they are now to the Disney building. The journey took 5 hours and three minutes exactly.  
  
"We are here to destroy you!!!!" After Precis' horrible battle cry, the whole force of Disney's military came out of the building to meet the attackers. The resident commander spoke: "Attention opposers, you will be eliminated. No survivors. Attack!!!"  
  
The battle wages on for what seems like an eternity. Everyone exposing their amazing combat techniques. After a while, the ground starts to shake.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"What's going on?!"  
  
"I WANT MY MOMMY!!!"  
  
"BOOYAH!" Ratsputin slams his stick into Ashton's groin. Ashton whimpers and falls to the ground.  
  
The quake racked on the Disney army's artillery and tanks. The group was hardly affected, but were VERY afraid.  
  
"What's going on here?!" The quake went on for what seemed like an eternity, when the ground opened up to relese thousands of imps, demons, and other generally evil whirlygigs. After the fleets rose, the ghost of Walt Disney flew up and spoke in a frightening tone.  
  
"You have discraced Disney... You must all DIE!!!" Then when things were at their worst, all the demons died and Walt Disney was captured by the Ghostbusters.  
  
"Wow. That could have sucked."  
  
"Yep."  
  
The group continued to destroy The Disney building, and then go back to the old room. They all got what they wanted, so I could follow with the plotline and it's happening a lot, so eh.  
  
Alex (Yes, he was there) got a large slice of bread.  
  
Season got Seventeen's ass.  
  
Lizy got another hair from a virgin undead mountaiun goat to add to her collection.  
  
Ashton got a cup.  
  
Ratsputin got a steel rod to use as a walking stick, screamed booyah, and slammed it into Ashton's groin, shattering the cup.  
  
Precis got nothing. Absolutely nothing.  
  
Locke and Celes got the millenium 500 page version of Karma Sutra, then giggled like stupid idiots and ran away.  
  
Tifa got a hairbrush.  
  
Kei got an entire set of "Super Hoser" Hunter Gear.  
  
Mr. Head got the nobel peace prize.  
  
The author got more reviews.  
  
You, the reader, will get five dollars in the mail. Please allow 6-8 decades for delivery. 


	5. The Magic Morons

Some... element ran through Ashton's... leg... or something...  
  
"You've stopped caring, haven't you?"  
  
Pretty much.  
  
"Figures."  
  
"BOOYAH!" Ratsputin slams his staff in Ashton's groin. Ashton wimpers and falls to the floor.  
  
"Poor guy. He's probably lost most, if not all, of his reproductive ability by now."  
  
"Mmm hmm."  
  
"Notice that so far, only one piece of dialouge has had the capibility to be rightfully tacked to someone?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Mmm hmm."  
  
"You can stop anytime now."  
  
"Right."  
  
Precis jumps in the air, "ROLL CALL!!!"  
  
Everyone lines up side by side and stands at attention as the author appears out of the clouds in a giant hand again.  
  
"Right. Anyway, I'm going to be making some more cuts." A groan echoes throughout the cast as they slouch a bit.  
  
"First, Locke and Celes? Sorry, but no new jokes can be made. Tasteful ones, at least... Hit the road."  
  
"Okay... We know when we're not wanted... Come Celes."  
  
"Here? Now? Well, whatever you say..." Celes begins to remove her battle suit as Locke smacks her in the side of the head and carries her off into some distince somewhere.  
  
"Mmmkay... Well, that was pretty much it, no one else's cut today." Everyone cheers and jumps into the air, Ratsputin giving Ashton another blast to his genitals. Everyone points and laughs at Ashton for being lame and a target, then goes back to whatever as the author ascends into the sky once again.  
  
"Must he do that each time?"  
  
Ashton gurgles.  
  
Alex looks all serious for some reason, "They're coming... But not that way..."  
  
Ashton regains his stance and staggers to his feet, "Who's coming, but not that way?"  
  
"The Magic Morons..." A hushed gasp from everyone within a hundred mile radius, "Magic Morons? HERE?!"  
  
"Yes..." Season walks forward, "Led by him..."  
  
"Allen..."  
  
Everyone pulls their respective weapons, Alex using a claymore, Season a pair of whips, and Lizy a pair of knives, "This ends here..."  
  
Allen then appears over the horizon, clad in a pink Power Ranger outfit with obvious rips in the armpits and crotch, signifying it is far too small. He is waving a cardboard cut-out of the Fairy Wand from Super Smash Brothers, and is chanting random overused catch phrases such as "All Your Base Are Belong to Us!", "Who's Yo Daddy?", and "Oh My God, They've Killed Kenny!" A slew of slobbering bucktoothed people follow him with messy flock of seagulls haircuts and tye-dye Sailor Senshi outfits on, wielding googly-eyed pet rocks, screaming for retribution.  
  
"Hot damn."  
  
Hey, shut up. That was ingenious.  
  
"Whatever... Let's just get this battle over with."  
  
The world goes into battle mode, a-la Final Fantasy VI, Alex, Season, Ashton, and Kei stand in the player's section, Allen in the enemy section, flanked by three BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR's. The dialouge box appears.  
  
"You will not defeat us! We will finally have our revenge on you, Alex!"  
  
"Not a chance! You'll be defeated just like every other time!"  
  
"Ha! We have new, more useless weapons this time around! You SHALL be annoyed to some point!"  
  
Kei's turn. Attack. BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR A. A blast emits from Kei's gun and hits the uppermost BTP for 1263 damage. It dies.  
  
"No! Eugene!"  
  
Ashton's turn. Attack. BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR B. Ashton steps forward and slashes the bottom BTP for 1839 damage, then 1532 damage. It dies.  
  
"Franklin! Damn you Alex!"  
  
Season's turn. Saiyan. BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR C. Season charges energy and fires a huge ki blast at the BTP directly behind Allen for 1769 damage.  
  
Alex coughs.  
  
"Barney was the last straw! You shall die!!"  
  
Allen's turn. Lame-Ass. Gamma Wave. Alex. Allen casts all the level three elemental spells, Flare, and Bio centered on Alex for 9999 damage. Alex falls.  
  
"Dammit... That... Was... Cheap..."  
  
Kei's turn. Magic. Life. Alex. Alex is blessed by holy light and touched by an angel, but not that way. He stands and recovers 215 HP.  
  
Tifa's turn. Magic. Cure 3. Alex. Alex is healed by a rainbow colored light for 9999 HP.  
  
Season's turn. X-Magic. Quick. Season. Season stops time.  
  
Season's turn. X-Magic. Haste. Alex. Alex is blessed with the ability to move five times faster than before.  
  
Season's turn. X-Magic. Quick. Alex. Alex stops time.  
  
"Oh, and THIS isn't Lame-Ass?!"  
  
Alex's turn. X-Attack. Allen. Alex strikes Allen a total of four times, dealing 4567, 3920, 4792, and 5091 damage.  
  
Alex's turn. X-Attack. Allen. Alex strikes Allen a total of four times, dealing 4873, 4292, 5002, and 3992 damage.  
  
"That was so cheap! Completely not fair! I am SO coming back later! Not that way!"  
  
Allen runs.  
  
Everyone spins a few times and raise their arms in the air repeatedly.  
  
Gained 1 GP.  
  
The world returns to normal, Allen and the BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR have ran away, and everyone who WASN'T in the battle looks really, really confused.  
  
"What just happened here?"  
  
"We'd rather not talk about it..."  
  
Right. Well, after that fit of idiocy, let's give everyone something again.  
  
Alex gets a new claymore.  
  
Season gets an issue of "Cheese Monthly".  
  
Lizy gets something to do, she must travel about the land, in search of the magical golden virgin goat hair.  
  
Tifa seems to get purpose, but not really.  
  
Kei gets recognition for her two actions.  
  
Ashton gets the 1 GP.  
  
Ratsputin doesn't get anything, because I feel he is a very mean pers... "BOOYAH!"  
  
R..atsputin... gets... a mill..ll...ll..ion... dollars...  
  
Mr. Head doesn't get anything, sadly, because I'm too busy coughing up blood.  
  
You, the reader, got another chapter of this twisted pile of decaying horse diharrea. 


	6. Dummes Deutsches Kapitel

Author's Note: This chapter's a result of taking the fifth chapter of Dumbassedness and running it through a Lycos Translator to German and back. I didn't edit this in any way, it's straight from the Translator. Why did I do this, you ask? Well, don't, because I don't know either. I was bored.  
  
  
  
Some... Item ran by Ashtons... Leg... or something...  
  
" you stopped, an interesting do not have you?",  
  
Prettily much.  
  
" figures ", " BOOYAH!", Ratsputin slams its personnel shut in the  
border Ashtons. Wimpers and cases Ashton to the floor.  
  
" poor cord. It is probably most lost, if not the whole, its  
reproduktive ability now "   
  
" hmm Mmm. consider "   
  
" you that up to now, only one-piece dress to someone anzuheftenden dialouge have had  
capibility rightfully?"  
  
" Yep. "  
  
" Yep. "   
  
" hmm Mmm. "   
  
" you can stop shortly "   
  
" quite."  
  
  
Precis branches into air, " ROLLENCAufruf!!!",  
  
Everyone aligns next to each other and locations at the attention,  
while the author from the clouds in an enormous hand appears out  
again.  
  
" quite. Anyway I will form more cuts ", a Aechzen output during the  
form than her slouch a bit echo.  
  
" first, curl and Celes? Sad ones, but no new jokes can be formed.  
Tasteful, at least..., Strike the road."  
  
" okay..., We know, when we do not become required..., Do Celes.  
come here "  
  
"? Now? Well whatever you say... ", to Celes begin to  
delete their battle complaint as smacks curl it in the page of the  
heading and it carries away in any distince somewhere.  
  
" Mmmkay..., Well that was not prettily much it, otherwise cut today  
", each applause and branches into air, Ratsputin, which gives Ashton  
another bang to its Genitals. Everyone shows and laughs with Ashton  
for its Lamé and a target, then happens back, whatever as the author  
rises into the sky again.  
  
" must it does that each time?",  
  
Glucksen Ashton.  
  
Alex looks completely seriously for any reason, " it comes..., But  
not so... ",  
  
Ashton wins its position and varies to its feet, " again, who comes,  
but not in such a way?",  
  
" the magic Morons... ", A hushed Keuchen of everyone within a radius  
of one hundred mile, " magic Morons? HERE?!",  
  
"... ", season goes forward, " led through it... ",  
  
" all... "  
  
Everyone draws their respective weapons, Alex with claymore, peppers a  
pair whips, and Lizy a pair meter, " this terminates here... "  
  
To all then that appears in a rosafarbenen energy Ranger configuration  
with obvious Rips in lever pit is plated and the forking, it  
importantly is far too small over the horizon. It moves a sticking  
window of the Fairy wall of the Supersmashbruedern wavelike and sings  
occasional overused slogans like " your whole lower surface is belongs  
to us!", " who dad Yo?" and if " OH is my God, have they terminates  
Kenny!", A run Slobbering bucktoothed people follow it with untidy  
quantity of the sea-sea gull crops and tye color configurations  
SeemannSenshi on and exercised googly eyed eyed the domestic animal  
rock, screaming for Retribution.  
  
" hot curse "  
  
Hey, stop the lip. That was astute.  
  
" whatever..., Let us this battle also even keep more rueber ", the  
world enter into, Alex, Season, Ashton and Kei location of the  
battle mode, the locking fantasy VI A-la in the section of the player,  
everything in the hostile section, bordered by three  
BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFRs. The dialougekasten appears.  
  
" you do not defeat us! We have finally our revenge on you, Alex!",  
  
  
" not a probability! They are defeated even like every other time!",  
  
  
" hectar! We have the new, more useless weapons of this times around!  
It disturbed to something point!",  
  
Revolution Keis. Attack. Bang BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR A. A radiates  
from the rifles Keis and strikes the highest BTP for damage 1263. It  
dies.  
  
" No.! Eugene!",  
  
Revolution Ashtons. Attack. Job step BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR B.  
Ashton forward and diagonal strokes the lower surface BTP for 1839  
damage, then damage 1532. It dies.  
  
" Franklin! Condemn it Alex!",  
  
Peppered revolution. Saiyan. BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR C Season loads  
energy up and fires very large kiknall at the BTP directly behind all  
for damage 1769.  
  
Cough Alex.  
  
" Barney was the last straw! They die!!",  
  
Revolution Allens. Lame donkey. Gamma wave. Alex. All throws  
itself all horizontally aligned three, which are elementary, spelled,  
extended, and bio centers 9999 on Alex for damage. Alex. fell  
  
" Dammit..., Was..., Cheaply... ",  
  
Revolution Keis. Magic. Life. Alex. Alex is gesegnet by holy light  
and touched by an angel, but not so. It is and re-establishes HP 215.  
  
  
Revolution Tifas. Magic. Healing 3. Alex. Alex is healed by a  
rainbow colored light for HP 9999.  
  
Revolution of the season. X-magic. Fast. Season. Season end time.  
  
  
Revolution of the season. X-magic. Hurry. Alex. Alex with the  
ability, five times faster to shift than beforehand gesegnet.  
  
Revolution of the season. X-magic. Fast. Alex. To TIME Alex end.  
  
  
" OH and THIS are not Lame donkey?!",  
  
Revolution Alexs. X-accessing it on. Everything. Alex fastens  
everything the total quantity of four times and treats damage 4567,  
3920, 4792 and 5091.  
  
Revolution Alexs. X-accessing it on. Everything. Alex fastens  
everything the total quantity of four times and treats damage 4873,  
4292, 5002 and 3992.  
  
" was so inexpensive! Completely not honestly! I return SO later!  
Not so!",  
  
All runs.  
  
Everyone spinnt several times and lifts its levers in air repeated on.  
  
  
Won 1 Gp.  
  
The world goes to the normal, have all and the BTPWMFOSHATDSSOWGEPRSFR ran away, and  
everyone, which WAS NOT in the battle, looks really, really confused.  
  
  
" which occurred even here?",  
  
" we would not deal with rather with us it... ",  
  
Quite. You well afterwards let give us this seat of idiocy, each  
somewhat again.  
  
Alex receives a new claymore.  
  
Season receives an output " of the cheese monthly ".  
  
Lizy receives something to do, it must over the country, on the search  
after the magic golden pure goat hair travel.  
  
Tifa seems not to keep purpose real but.  
  
Kei receives acknowledgment for its two activities.  
  
Ashton receives the 1 GP.  
  
Ratsputin does not receive nothing, because I believe that it is very  
much Mittelpers..., " BOOYAH!",  
  
R..atsputin... receives... a dollar mill..ll... ll..ion......,  
  
Mr. Head does not keep nothing sad because I to filled coughs up blood  
is.  
  
They, the reader, received another section of this rotated batch of  
the expiring Pferdendiharrea. 


End file.
